


Performance and “elephants” and truths revealed

by Lionessinthedark



Series: Sherlock's and John's challenges [7]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes BBC fandom
Genre: Johnlock - Freeform, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Post-His Last Vow, Rage, Sex, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-16
Updated: 2015-05-16
Packaged: 2018-03-30 20:36:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3950869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lionessinthedark/pseuds/Lionessinthedark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As in title.....and a surprise for John</p>
            </blockquote>





	Performance and “elephants” and truths revealed

**Author's Note:**

> No...their relationship are not totally healthy and John has actually problems by managing his rage as it was seen in in The Empty Hearse. But then again as Sherlock says: they fit together.
> 
>  
> 
> And I do not own the characters: they belong to BBC and Conan Doyle

It had been their 10th performance in 5 weeks on stage as John discovered something that indeed didn’t please him. About himself. And afterwards he wondered why he hadn’t realized before.  
He had been angry with Sherlock. In their flat in the morning they had no milk and it had been Sherlock’s turn to go shopping. And on the theatre in the afternoon John felt that Sherlock almost gave their false identities away as Sherlock tried to outsmart an annoying “colleague”. Only a firm warning: “Shirley, shut up. You don’t have a brain for that” stopped Sherlock and when it was time to enter the scene John couldn’t find the whole of his costume.  
Sherlock had been annoying and irritating and too much Shirley in their wardrobe and Johns temper got the worst of him. Sherlock had just looked at John and then he had put their “better be safe than sorry-device” up his arse. It was small and un-noticeable and they could even fuck each other while it was inside. It stimulated the prostate gland and was a remedy to achieve an orgasm more quickly. The only trick John and Sherlock would use on stage to ensure that their performance would be satisfactory for their audience. But that Sherlock insinuated that it could be necessary just fed John’s rage at that time.

On stage John went his rage on Sherlock and he used more force than necessary as he spanked him, restrained him and whipped him. Sherlock had just turned his head and looked at John but hadn’t uttered a word. Just moaned as he was supposed to do. Just accepted the punishment.....because it was what John had done. Punished Sherlock for the failures of the day and actually Sherlock was only to blame for one of them.  
John’s rage didn’t vanish until he saw that he had made severe welts and actually wounds on Sherlock’s back and buttocks. After the performance Sherlock had avoided John and had gone to the theatrical medical team to have his wounds attended to. Something John normally would do.

On their way home to their own flat they sat in silence. They didn’t live by Irene anymore. Now they had totally put on their roles as Shirley and Johnny it was too risky to have too much contact with Irene. They visited her sometimes, but since they were colleagues at the theatre it didn’t have to be a secret.

Sherlock was a bit restless in the Taxa's seat. He had not put his Shirley make-up on. Just “her” clothes. As they had closed their front door behind them, John looked at Sherlock and said: “We need to talk!”

“About tonight? There is really no need for that. It’s OK John!”

“NO...it was not OK. And I insist that we talk. We agreed on “no elephants”...and this one is big as a mammoth!”

Sherlock looked at John and sighed: “OK...but do you mind if it is in our bed. I would rather prefer not to sit down right now!”

And John blushed and said: “The reason why you can’t sit down is exactly the reason why we have to talk. Or rather...I have to do the talking.....You know I find it difficult to be introspective. To find the right words. But this is important for me and for you!”

Sherlock lay down carefully on their bed face down. He had welts and wounds on his back and something that would turn into bruises under the dressing from the theatre’s medical team. He would not be able to perform next week. He needed more time to heal. They would have to cancel their next performance.

John sat down carefully besides him and winced as Sherlock made a grimace as the madras changed underneath him.

“Please don’t interrupt me Sherlock. This is very difficult for me,” said John. “I’ve told you that it took me by surprise that I could enjoy whipping you, flogging you, restrain you and have you on your knees. But I told myself the convenient little lie that it was because you enjoyed it so much. But you didn’t enjoy it today and I still got a boner. I get aroused when you are submissive. I get aroused and aesthetically pleased when I make welts or even wounds on your pale skin and I found out today that I don’t give a damn if you moan of pain or pleasure! It is pure and wicked sadism.....and I hate that I’ve got that beast in me. I’m scared, Sherlock...” 

John could feel his chest constrict as he continued: “Today I forgot that being a dom does mean “taking care” and “forget my own pleasure”. I know that you endured and accepted it because of the show...but hadn’t it been for that devise up your arse you couldn’t have made it through to the orgasm.  
I know because I saw it afterwards and you had turned it to maximum. I’m so sorry.....but I’m afraid that I could do it again. Of course you wouldn’t use your safe-word on stage out of pride, but I can tell you that if it had been in this room I wouldn’t have obeyed that safe-word! And it is so wrong!!!I’m......I’m..... a monster and you....you deserve so much better! I like it too much when you are at my mercy. I love it when you are submissive as Shirley. I could very much get used to ordering you around always. But it is not who you are....and the saddest thing is that somehow deep inside me I’m afraid that that is who I wish you were! When you are on your knees in front of me it turns me so much on and tonight I forgot totally what this is all about!” 

John looked down, too ashamed to look Sherlock into his eyes. His hands lying limp beside his thighs. Sherlock moved at bit and sat upright. Hissed as his sore back made itself remarked and he grappled John’s hands and caressed them with his thumbs as he spoke. John just let him do it. Not knowing what else to do.

“Now you listen very carefully to me John Watson. All the way through this you haven’t failed me once. I’ve pushed you....too fast and too far to be healthy. But we are in a hurry and as the brave and loyal friend you are and as the brave and courageous soldier you are, you have just followed me into this strange BDSM world. And that just shortly after that we finally admitted that we loved each other...physically too. Now you have found out that there is a bit more of “Johnny” in you than you would have thought...and do you know what? There is a lot more “Shirley” in me than I would have thought.  
I told Irene as she helped me that I liked the pain but not the submission. But now that would be a lie. I like the submission....when it is you, John. I feel completely safe in your hands...and I’ll continue to feel safe even after tonight. When you dominate me I enter the sub-space quite quickly and it is quiet and blissful. It calms down my brain. Haven’t you noticed that about yourself when I’m in charge? You look like that.  
Of course you have to trust your dom. That is why there are so many twisted and wrong relationships out there. And the people in the film-studio were worried about “Johnny’s” and “Shirley’s” relationship. And if it was true it wouldn't be totally healthy: Shirley playing more stupid than she is and Johnny not careful enough as a dom. But our real one is not one of those wrong and twisted relationships, John, just because you did something out of line one single time.  
Now you know the signs and can stop before things do get wrong. I like to dominate you sometimes but most of all I like it when you are in captain-mode. I like being submissive, when it is you, John. Haven’t you noticed that I haven’t been restless, that I haven’t been throwing tantrums here in Berlin even though there have been enough reason to do so? I haven’t used my brain to any brain-work since we arrived here. And you know me well enough to know that I would have normally insulted everything standing on two legs, climbing the walls or made some horrific experiments to prevent my brain from overheating or rot...”

John looked astonished at Sherlock....no he hadn’t realized!

Sherlock continued: “When you dominate me...when I submit...I can finally stop noticing everything, deducing everything. My brain is quiet. And I’ll have to be submissive most of the time or I’ll reveal myself. It is rather difficult to hide intelligence! I have even wondered if it is wise at all that I leave that “subspace” and dominate you. I can’t be myself, John. It’s too dangerous. “Shirley” has to be very different from me as “Johnny” is a bit closer to you and apparently even closer, than you would like to admit! But I promise you that, John, when we are back in Baker Street again I’m not silly submissive Shirley anymore. So enjoy it while you can!"

And Sherlock continued: "And now you have discovered your inner daemon. Welcome to humanity, John. We all have a daemon inside. Just remember Baskerville where I conducted some rather devilish experiments on you! I like dominating you too: to have you on your knees, at my mercy and I can....within the limits of our manuscripts.....do almost anything to you. And it’s thrilling! And arousing! But that is why we fit so nicely together! We are both dangerous men. Have you forgotten that? It was not I that shot a man within the first 48 hours of us knowing each other. It was you who shot that cabby in cold blood. You are just as dangerous as me, John. But you delude people with your looks and your behavior and apparently you have deluded yourself lately, since you married Mary. But remember again: you married an assassin, a murderer and do you really think that she married the oatmealjumpered mild-mannered Doctor Watson? No....she married the killer, the soldier, the warrior: Captain Watson.  
People look at me at see the cruelty and the coldness and just as Moriarty did, they see that I’m not an angel, not a hero. And they look at you and see a mild-mannered doctor. “Apparently harmless”!.  
But in reality you have killed more people than I have, John. Then again I’m not afraid of you. I trust you with my life! Or else I wouldn’t have opened my coat and said: “Feel free to shoot” on the day I returned from Berlin. It is a bit strange though that you haven’t realized before that your inner daemon is there and sometimes make himself present. I’ve met him before, you see, John....I’ve met him before!”

“When?”!...asked John and Sherlock just pointed at his back but said nothing and then John remembered how he attacked Sherlock and did beat the shit out of him and caused Sherlock to fall on his wounded back as Sherlock returned from Serbia: “Oh.....I see...”

Sherlock continued: “Yes....we should have canceled the show today. I should have reacted upon that you were pissed on me and I should never have allowed you on the stage in that mood. The failure is just as much mine as it was yours, John. And what you did to me today...it was nothing to what I experienced in Serbia and nothing compared to what Moriarty did to me in that factory-building or what I was forced to do to you. Worst case scenario is that I’ll get a few very tiny fast fading scars to my collection...and I can easily live with that. We are walking on thin ice here, John and I can’t even promise you that we’ll survive. But for all that it is worth and just to show you how much I trust you and love you and adore you... I’m not going to kneel on the floor right now.......but could you please get me the small parcel in my night table?”

John looked at Sherlock and reached for the parcel and Sherlock opened it and took out two rings: “John Hamish Watson....I had thought of a bit more romantic circumstances...but this will do because you need it right now. Would you give me the pleasure of becoming my husband, when this crazy ordeal has ended and we get our identities back?”

John smiled through his tears...Sherlock never ceased to amaze him: “Oh god...yes...yes I would” and he hugged Sherlock who moaned a bit. His back was really sore.  
_____________________  
When they made themselves ready for bed (just to get some sleep!), another “elephant” was discussed. Brought up by John too. He mentioned that he had had more sex during the last 3 months than he had had in his entire marriage with Mary and that he was a bit worried that he would not be able to keep up.

“I’m not 20 anymore, you know” as he said.

Sherlock just looked at him and said: “What is your concern? You do keep up. You are as horny as a 15 year old teenager, John. I can understand my own sexual hunger....I’ve been deprived for it so many years. But you.....you say that you are afraid that you might not keep up. But I’ll have to be on my toes to keep up with you!”

“That’s because you are so...so....delicious. Even disguised as Shirley....make up and everything. And not just on stage. I see your hands and think how I feel when you are touching my nipples and let your hands glide down my stomach. How I feel when they are around my cock! I see your arse when you are walking and think about gripping your buttocks and pressing them aside and open you up and licking your hole and fucking you. I see your chest and the vague shape of your nipples through the fabric of the T-shirt and the only thing I can think of is how it feels to lick them and see how they peak and remember how you moan when I do it. I see your neck and the only things I can think of is licking it and make a hickey! If you were not so damn sexy I wouldn’t be a horny teenager!” said John gesticulating with is toothbrush.

Sherlock walked behind John and pressed his body towards John’s: “And if you weren’t just as delicious with your self-confident hands and tongue and cock and body I wouldn’t be able to keep up with “3-continents-Watson”. You make me just as horny and if you are afraid that the novelty of our sex-life would fade and dull in the future...then...” and Sherlock’s voice dropped an octave: “I can always read some dirty novels for you...” and he rubbed his erection against John’s arse.

John turned around and took Sherlock’s head in his hands and kissed him fiercely: “I was so afraid that I had pushed you away, that I had ruined everything!” he said as he let Sherlock’s mouth go.

Sherlock just looked at him: “Don’t you think that there should happen a lot more than one tiny step away from the line, before I’ll even consider just to blame you a little bit? I owe you my life, John! And I love you deeply!”  
_________________________  
And in bed they made nice and make-everything-all-right-sex. Just “vanilla” where John did as he had promised in the bath-room, giving Sherlock’s unharmed front every attention needed and afterwards to spare Sherlock’s sore back as he said, he made Sherlock lie on his stomach with a pillow under his hips and took his time licking and tongue-probing Sherlock’s hole until Sherlock actually came from that alone and then slow and very gentle he fucked Sherlock holding his own orgasm back until Sherlock came again. Sherlock understood that John wanted to make atonement by focusing solemnly at Sherlock’s needs and Sherlock let him do it. As they cuddled afterwards...spooning as they always did, John almost asleep whispered a “Thank you” to Sherlock and Sherlock whispered back: “I’m the one who's thankful”  
____________________  
Even if they had sorted it out, John still wasn’t very fond of that side of himself. Throughout the week where they couldn’t perform, they talked a lot, discussed a lot and their relationship grew even stronger.

It was tested 3 days after John’s outburst though. John had been very considerate and very “soft” and very so-not-like-John (And they were John and Sherlock behind their own front-door) that it made Sherlock worry. If John didn’t find his prior confidence the whole project might fall. Time for an experiment!

So Sherlock deliberately annoyed John. Just small things and during the day Sherlock could see that the anger was building up inside John. Then Sherlock told John that there was something that needed to be corrected in one of their pieces on stage and that they could just as well rehearse here at home when they didn’t perform this week. “But what about your back?” had John worried and Sherlock had just hissed: “We have a job to be done. A purpose. Never mind my back. But if you don’t think I’m able to judge if I can do this or not, then you can take my place!” It worked, John’s fists were clinched.

And as Sherlock was lying in their bed, face down and wrists and ankles cuffed and attached to the 4 corners, he deliberately provoked John, knowing exactly what to say that would hurt the most, ordering John around even being the bottom and John snapped again, threw the flogger (that most of all made sounds and not so much pain) and grabbed a riding-crop:  
“I’ll teach you who cannot use the tools!” he shouted and Sherlock did let him give 2 blows before he safe-worded: “Cinnamon”....but John didn’t react and another blow landed on Sherlock’s sore buttocks. Sherlock shouted “Cinnamon, god dammit!” and John finally heard him and stopped and looked shocked and threw the crop away and slumped to the floor beside the bed and began to sob: “I’m sorry...I’m so sorry”

Sherlock: “I’m so sorry too. Forgive me John!”

“What?!. I should forgive you...for what?! I’m the wrong-doer here!”

“No you are not the only one...I sorry for provoking you like that”

“You did it on purpose, you utter prat!”

“Yes I did.......Could you please un-cuff me?”

“But why?” Sherlock could feel that John’s rage was building up again.

“Because I love you and it broke my heart to see you so uncertain of yourself. To make you believing in yourself again was worth a pair of sore buttocks. But...please...un-cuff me!

“Yes, yes of course!” And John kissed Sherlock: “You are an utter madman, do you know that?”

And then Sherlock told John more about the experiment that clearly had shown that John indeed would stop if Sherlock safe-worded, even in a fit of rage. 

Sherlock told him: “It was worth a few welts to make you confident about yourself again. You gave me the shivers when you behaved as you were walking on egg-shells around me, John. I’m not made of glass and I totally trust you. I never doubted one second that you would obey my safe-word. You should just stop doubting yourself!”

And they hugged each other. And then John wanted to take care of Sherlock’s buttocks and they ended up having sex again. This time John bottomed. John felt that Sherlock needed that.

They discussed their future too. They both found out that they...if they managed to make Sherrinford interested and if they managed to survive...would continue their rather advanced sex life. Sherlock would not give up being a sub and John admitted that he liked dominating Sherlock, but not all the time. They would need to shift as well and Sherlock told John that what they did behind their front door or bedroom door could never be allowed to interfere with his work as a detective...if he would ever return to that job again.  
So in reality....their relationship was nearly the same as before...just a few levels up. John being in charge in his areas and Sherlock in his. 

But as John remarked: “I really do hope....and don’t take it as an offense......that we can turn it a bit down. Our sex-life. It’s not funny being horny as a 15 year old teenager. I’ll never be able to work away from you 10-12 hours as a doctor and it would be so very inappropriate if I just gripped you on a crime-scene and kissed you fiercely in front of Donovan and Anderson!”

Sherlock giggled: “Would you imagine the looks on their faces! And it would be worth it just as long as you don’t rip of my clothes!”

"Be careful. I might do exactly that!" was John's answer.


End file.
